Writing for me has always been an outlet it seems. Whenever I’m going through things writing is always there. It’s a way to express myself without feeling judgment from others and lately I have been particularly stressed out and anxious about certain things, which is why I decided to write a poem off the top of my head. I quite often get moments like those when I’m dealing with something and I wish I could just find the right words to showcase how I’m feeling. Here is the poem that I wrote:
I feel like I’m drowning
With no support
Lost at sea with anxiety filled rage
Needing to scream but I can hardly even breathe
I feel like I’m stuck in time
Drowning beyond belief
With nothing in view
But my own fears and insecurities
*I feel like my poetry can be of service to some people. Sometimes people feel like they have no one to understand them, and my goal as a writer is to connect with people, to let others know that they’re not alone in this fight. It’s like one of my favorite Steinbeck quotes says, “A writer, out of loneliness, is like a distant star sending signals.” I always feel that quote so deeply because I truly understand. As a writer we’re trying to find other like us, who understand where we’re coming from. Writing can be a very therapeutic hobby and it can honestly help you assess your feelings and situation.
Today I took a leap of faith and did something bold. I’ve been trying to land my dream job, but I haven’t had any luck yet. I want to be a writer. I was looking through Our State magazine, which is a magazine based in North Carolina. I’ve applied for a position there a couple of times, but I hadn’t had any success. While I was looking through the magazine I came across the Letter from the Editor section and I thought hit me. Why not try to reach out to the editor personally about my desire to work on her magazine and see what she says? So I wrote a letter to the editor and told her that writing was my dream and this is something that I want to do and that I applied for a job position a couple of times with Our State. I told her that I would love to set up an interview with her. Sometimes you just have to be bold to get what you want. I don’t know if it will work but it’s worth a shot.
Someone told me just yesterday that I’m intriguing because I see things differently and from different point of views and I am very open-minded. I started thinking about that, and I believe writing has had that effect on me. I’ve always been a very open-minded person, but I think as a writer I tend to be able to see things from different perspectives. I think it’s a good trait to have and I am proud to be able to do that
“The death of an artist is to get a degree and start teaching.”~Cedric Baker
*When I did my interview with Cedric Baker one of the questions I asked him was what has his journey been like as an artist. I was building off of his art exhibit theme, which is entitled “A Painter’s Journey.” I wanted to know more about what his journey was like getting to the point he is at now. Like all artist, he said he struggled to make money. As many people know the arts is something that one can be passionate about and that’s all we as artists want to do. All we want to do is create what we love, but then we get stuck in the dilemma of whether to pursue our dreams or go with a practical job to make enough money to provide for ourselves. That’s the age old struggle Cedric Baker dealt with as well when he was trying to make it as an artist. He talked about having to work a full time job because he had bills and he said as an artist that’s hard because you can’t be 100% focused on your art when you’re working a 9 to 5 job. Then he also made that above statement about a degree and teaching being the death of an artist. Although, I think he was putting more emphasis on the teaching part because he is also an academic artist. He went to school for art and his discipline was in painting. I agree with him on the teaching part to a degree. I think it would be difficult to teach and also completely be committed to what you really want to do. There have been many folks who have tried to push me into teaching just because I have an English degree and that’s not something that I’m passionate about. I tried to get passionate about it, but my heart has always been with writing. That’s all I want to do. Like I said in one of my previous posts, when I conducted my interview with Baker I walked out of that interview feeling so accomplished. I felt like it was another sign telling me that THIS is what I need and want to be doing. The interview went that well! On the other hand, don’t get me wrong. Teaching is an admirable profession. It’s a way to pass on your love of a particular subject to another generation and see what they do with it. I just don’t think teaching is for me. There have been many people who have said I would be a great teacher, but if I’m not completely 100% passionate about it I don’t think it’s a field that I should go into. I’ve realized that I should stop listening to other people and do what I know is right for me no matter how long it takes me to land that job I really want. Cedric definitely gave me some encouragement that day. It doesn’t matter if you’re not getting paid for it as long as you’re doing what you love.
I immensely enjoy the fact that there are many different art forms. I mean think about it. There’s visual and performing arts. There’s painting, sculptures, drawing, sketching, photography, dancing, and music. Even writing is an art form, which is an art form that I particularly enjoy. The fact that we as humans have so many different ways to express ourselves through creating things is awesome. There’s just something, almost mystical about art that I can’t explain. I try to explain it to a degree like in this blog but there’s also an element to it that is unexplainable because it makes me feel things that I don’t understand.
Ok, so I am a huge procrastinator and I have been wanting to work on my own chapbook of poems. For those who don’t know a chapbook is pretty much a booklet of poems, usually no more than 40 pages. I started putting my poems together and then I stopped, but I want to start back up tomorrow. I already have my theme for my poems. It’s going to be called “Scars.” I think that title is very fitting and goes with my theme because most of my poetry deals a lot with dealing with emotional scars and some physical scars. The idea of my theme being “Scars” just came naturally, as naturally as my poetry came to me. I tried doing everything online and by using Microsoft Word and putting all of my poems in an electronic folders but tomorrow I plan on doing everything old school and using pen and paper to write out all of poems that I want to include in my chapbook. I think it’ll be easier that way. Then I guess my next step will be to find a publisher. If any people out there know any good publishers I would be forever grateful for the guidance!
Every writers journey is different. Everyone has a different process of how they create. Some writers can write everyday and others rather write when they’re hit with inspiration. I’m the latter. I rarely write everyday unless I’m hit with inspiration everyday. I love writing poetry about what I’m going through in the moment or what emotion I’m feeling in that moment. I once wrote a poem about why I write. I think it summed up perfectly the different reasons why I write. Below is my poem:
I write to fill the pain
I write to avoid the pain
I write to understand the pain
I write to embrace the pain
I love to write because I can express who I am
When I feel like no one hears me
I write because sometimes…just sometimes I feel misunderstood
Writing is my release to unleash the pain inside
And sometimes I even create the pain
Pain for whatever…
It really doesn’t matter.
It just gives me something to write about.
*I remember writing this entirely on a whim. I was at work and the words just came to me.